Days to put a cross under
by LilyBartAndTheOthers
Summary: Some days will remain in our hearts. WK.


« A heart

_« A heart. This one is a heart. »  
« A bit damaged, no ? »  
« It's an old heart… »  
« And this one ? »  
« … Someone… Yes, a girl perhaps… Her hair falling on her shoulders… Look ! »  
« It has just joined another one… »  
« They're kissing. »  
« They're in love… And already go away… »  
« Keep on moving… »  
« Living… Together. »_

The warmness of the sun on her cheeks will wake her up. A slight prickling on her skin but enough to break her dreams. Of course she will try to get back to sleep, enjoying the softness of the pillow against her face, the sheets on her body. Protective, reassuring. But after ten minutes of an intensive sweet fight, she will accept her defeat and will open her eyes. The bright light will make her frown and turn on her back. She won't stir nor yawn, still half-asleep but so far from her night thoughts.

She will sigh, staring at the ceiling absent-mindedly. She will feel tired. No, actually she will have been for quite a while, now. Her occasional sleepless nights turning into an exhausting routine. Since she will have realized. The whole thing. But that's okay, she's not a child anymore and can deal with her own life. Or at least try to. She will perfectly know the reason of the dark circles under her eyes, the ones she hides every day behind foundation. Why her dreams will have given her up little by little. And her brain, in turmoil. Constantly.

Small wonder what's happening. There's someone in her mind. A guy. One of her friends. She will smile while thinking about him. He's everywhere. At any time. Any moment of the day, any second of the night. In her soul. She will have come to this point where she won't even need to close her eyes to picture him out. Hearing his voice in her head will be the easiest game to play. And pretending the contrary the most painful one. But she won't care that much because he's already a part of her, somehow. He's the one who makes her heart beat and it's all that matters, actually.

She will get up and start a new day. Thinking it will just be another one. The same as the one before and surely similar to the next she will live the morning after. Apart from some details perhaps. But tiny things don't change a day. And even less a life. It will be 9am. Not a second later nor earlier. 9 o'clock sharp. On a Sunday morning. Outside some yellow cabs will be passing in the street, joggers will go jogging, dog walkers will be walking dogs. The temperature will be 76°, a slight breeze caressing the trees, making their thousands of leaves sing quietly. An ideal day in a short. To live.

She won't lose time staying at her place. She will have loved her house once but since she will have met them the immensity of the rooms will have been weighing a lot. On her. The walls will have turned cold and unfriendly. She will only come back there to sleep, from time to time. She will dream secretely about moving out in order to live closer to them. To him. After all she does feel apart sometimes. Lonely on the other side. But she won't do because she will never be able to find out a good excuse and so they won't understand. In spite of the appearances she pays attention to them. A lot.

But she will put a facade as soon as she will enter his flat. And will just keep on because… She will look down and clentch her fists. Karen Walker doesn't have to justify herself. Even in her own mind. She won't have put any cross in her agenda under this day. Lack of celebrations, unexpected events. There's no surprise with Karen Walker. Everything happens as she wants it do. Karen Walker manages any situation under control, as she has always done. And will always do. Karen Walker will be perfect in her role, as usual. Pushing backwards her feelings and starring as someone she has nothing to do with. And lovingly hates, deep inside herself.

No, Karen Walker isn't really like that. Karen Walker is a coward. Unable to face reality because she's afraid of its sequels. And how painful they could be. Karen Walker has forgotten the bitterness of tears when they do run on the skin. Karen Walker just hates feelings. Because she has no hold over them and make her feel weak. Whenever they try to reach her heart. She will take a deep breath and look at her in the mirror. Biting her lips in a fist of rage. She will put these thoughts aside and go out the bathroom. Ready to go to the park. Control. She will have taken back the situation under control.

But she won't have planned a lot of things. On that day. She won't have thought events could slip out her hands so fast. And her facade suddenly scrumble away. She will have imagined they were going to stay together, all of them. And so she will concentrate on Jack and their silly games. On Grace, criticizing her least gesture. Her clothes. Anything to forget Will. And ignore her feelings. There will be no reason she will suddenly find herself alone with him. Absolutely no excuse to go for a walk. With him and only him. They won't have had to stop at a peaceful corner and sat down on the grass.

She will do her best to control her breath while they will lean their heads backwards, against a rock warmed by the sun. She will try to stay concentrated on the clouds they will be looking at on the sky. Their figures. A dog, a car, a boat, a heart. She won't have planned all these things but will try in spite of all to keep it under control. Because it's how it has to be. Why she's here to. She will have never imagined he will brush her hand and slide his fingers along hers. Her heart beginning to beat faster and her mind falling into a confused and anxious whirl. Making her look away.

What Karen Walker will have never thought about will be how wrong she could be. About everything. That her friends will have been able to read through her wall. Since the very beginning. That her facade won't have been that strong actually. That thick. And how easy it will be to cross it and reach her world. That it will have been vain to push away her feelings because she will end up losing the battle anyway. That a fight against emotions will have no sense and the more you ignore them, the stronger they come back. Over and over. Till they win and take control of you.

But her biggest mistake will have concerned Will. And his feelings. For her. She will have never thought he will take her hand. There. While looking at the clouds. She won't have planned he will come closer to her and caress her cheek, making her panic. But the most surprising, actually, is she won't ever imagined she will turn her face and look at him. She will find enough courage to plunge her eyes in his. Feeling his breath against her lips, only a few inches separating them from something she will have been dreading for so long. And against which she will have been fighting very hard.

She won't have planned she will close her eyes and let her lips join his. No idea they will kiss and it will be when she suddenly feels happy.

The only thing she's sure now is she has no regret. She feels like putting a cross under each day of the year. Till the end. Because anything can happen. At any moment. Even though you think you're controlling the whole machine. Actually she has stopped that too. She doesn't want to control anything. She has realized she needed to live. She's just enjoying her feelings. She's not afraid anymore of them. Her facade has vanished when she let her emotions reach her soul. And she wouldn't move backwards for anything.

Now she loves looking at the clouds, in his arms. She's not confused nor panicked but incredibly calm and safe. Sitting on the grass, his head against the rock, warmed by the sun. Hers on his chest. She likes feeling his arms around her waist, his hands she caresses softly. His legs against her hips. Protective. And the only whirl she does plunge into is the love she has for him.

« Where do you think they're going to ? »  
« Who ? »  
« The girl and the guy. Those clouds that have just kissed. »

She tightens his embrace and rest her forehead against his chin.

« … Where their life has decided to lead them. »


End file.
